inessential by Brent Simmons


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I want to wear an eye patch over one eye like a pirate. Every day I'd switch which eye was covered, so no one eye goes bad, but mainly I'd switch eyes for the sake of fair play, which is important.

I'd wink at people all the time. Of course they wouldn't be sure if I was winking or just blinking, since they can see only one eye. Sometimes they might think I was winking when really I was just blinking, which could probably get me before a judge these days.

I'd be happy to take the stand in my defense. Naturally I'd plead insanity. Who else would wear an eye patch for fun. Only crazies.

I've mentioned this before -- the word "articulate" is some sort of code word I haven't figured out.

It's used almost solely to describe black men. As in, "Colin Powell is smart, accomplished, and articulate."

No one ever called Dick Cheney articulate, even though he is.

What's new to me is now people are starting to call gays articulate.

The news AIDS czar is a gay man. I heard the attorney general talking about him on TV. In the space of a minute he called him articulate three times.

As if it's some sort of surprise that a gay man (or a black man) would speak English well. Holy cow.

I mean, holy fucking shit, what's with this word.

I think it's like when in the old days people would say -- "Leon's a credit to his race." Or, "Brian's a credit to his people." Really they were talking about someone who spoke well, but also "knew his place" well and didn't rock the boat. That's what articulate sort of means. It's a defense -- don't worry, folks in Peoria, we hired a black man or a gay man or whatever, but don't worry, he's articulate, you can rest easy at night.

Update: okay, so one person once called Dick Cheney articulate. (Thanks to John VanDyk for the pointer.)

Well, no one ever called George Bush articulate, unless it was as a joke.

I walked 22 miles of barbed wire. I use a cobra snake for a necktie. I got a brand new house on the road side -- made outta rattlesnake hide.

There's a little bitty chimney built up on top -- made outta human skulls.

Come on baby take a walk with me Eileen and tell me who do you love.

That was Bo Diddley of course.

oh sweet mcdonalds