inessential by Brent Simmons


Are you aiding terrorism when you question Presidential orders?

No. You’re being a good American.

Somebody tell John Ashcroft.

Note to Congress: don’t be scared. Stand up.

On talk radio right now they’re talking about how in America we oppress women just like the Taliban do (or did).

We won’t let them take off their shirts in public.

Women are oppressed in direct proportion to the amount of clothing they’re forced to wear.

Well, gosh, I think they’re serious here on the radio.

Warring petitions! Some Mac OS X developers favor metadata in the file system. Others don’t.

Me, I’m in favor of neither. My proposal:

Scrap the file system altogether. We should write down all our data on little scraps of paper, then roll the papers up in little salamis, then store the salamis in the freezer. You can use colored toothpicks if you want to, but you don’t have to.

You’d think that as time goes by since the last big earthquake that one would get less afraid.

But no, it gets worse.

Every time a truck goes by or the wind suddenly picks up, and my 93-year-old bungalow shakes, I feel that thing in my stomach, and my mouth forms an “F.”

Seismologists are certain that Seattle will experience a 9.0-ish earthquake in the next couple hundred years.

Can you imagine the devastation of a 9.0? Remember that 9.0 is ten times worse than 8.0. (The Richter scale is deceptive that way.)

Let’s say that it will happen in the next 300 years. And let’s say I have 40 more years of life on Earth.

That means my chances of being in a 9.0 earthquake are greater than 10%.

That’s just way, way too high.

No sir. I don’t like it.