inessential by Brent Simmons


I’m freaking out. The sky is this novel color—somewhere between green and purple, I don’t know its name—and the gray creatures who live up there have disappeared.

What’s more—this is the unbelievable part—there’s this orb, a big, angry yellow eye, which appears to be the source of all this exaggerated shininess everywhere. I stared at it for a while but it hurt my eyes. It’s definitely not friendly.

What’ll I do? What can I do?

But seriously folks, this outburst of goodwill from the weather gods is definitely mysterious. It makes me nervous, as if someone handed me a check for a million dollars and said, “Hey, no strings attached, it’s all yours, have a nice day.”

Expect tornados.

They say don’t look a gift horse in the mounth—but that’s terrible advice. Always look a gift horse in the mouth, since there might be an army of Greeks in there come to over-run your beautiful, cozy Troy.