inessential by Brent Simmons

Hippie Freak

Sometimes I think of that old Three Dog Night song Joy to the World, and I think of that line: “If I were king of the world, tell you what I’d do—I’d throw away the cars and the bars and the wars and make sweet love to you.”

Now that’s certainly a romantic sentiment.

But I can’t help thinking it wouldn’t work out so well.

You’d get six billion people staring at you as you’re doing it with your significant other. They’d all be glaring at you, real mad.

They’d be like, “Damn, we can’t even go get a drink since you threw away the bars. And even if there were bars, we couldn’t drive to one, since you threw away all the cars. And we can’t stage a coup, and get all the cars and the bars back, since you threw away all the wars. All we can do is stand around and watch you plow away at your stringy skank queen. Great, just great dude, you hippie freak.”